Notice

There have been jobs I have quit with inward glee because I was tired of dealing with some aspect: micro-management, terrible processes, unnecessary stress. The workplace I am leaving tomorrow has none of those things. Since I gave notice almost two weeks ago, I’ve been in something like a depression. It is mixed with denial, so I suppose it’s part of a grieving process, which came as a surprise since I’ve never gotten this sensation from quitting a job. I’ve also never worked at the same place for six years, until now.

This organization has allowed me to grow into new areas of expertise and pursue a career change from quality assurance to business analysis. My team members have become friends—sometimes very good friends. They supported me when I left to have a baby and celebrated my return. No questions were asked when I needed to take time off for mental health reasons. I have felt valued and at ease. I’ve laughed at work and been able to make stupid jokes without getting too many weird looks.

I even met my life partner at this job, which I suspect is one of the deeper and thus harder to understand reasons for my sense of impending loss. Since he no longer works here, I’ve been keeping that part of our history alive, and maintaining a sort of emotional bridge between him and the former co-workers he was fond of. Cutting that off will not measurably affect our lives, but it feels significant somehow.

I haven’t cried yet, partly because I don’t want to get too emotional at work, but mostly because it doesn’t feel real. The goodbyes will happen soon, and that part always hits me; I don’t like it when co-workers leave. But then Monday morning comes around, and everyone moves on.